greatest compliment a MacThoy will pay
to a non-Clansmen is that of the
The Barley Stein
The stone which was to be the Barley Stein
first received literary mention when Jacob
used it for a pillow. That night he
had such amazing dreams that it was later
employed as a pedestal for the Ark of the
In 70 A.D., the Roman Empire Road Crew
removed the Temple of Solomon to make way
for a new freeway off ramp. One of the
Construction Supervisors saw the stone and
took it to Rome for his portico. His
son inherited it and brought it with him
when he was assigned to the
In Gaul, he lost the stone in a game of dice
to a man named Patrick who was headed for
Eire. Patrick promised to put it to
good use exterminating snakes
(of which he displayed a profound phobia to)
and as a coffee table.
The Stone moved the length and breadth of
Ireland before crossing the waters to
Scotland and finally the home of MacBeth,
one of many kings made famous by William
MacBeth placed the stone under his throne,
starting a precedent soon followed by all
kings of Scotland. And there it
remained until 1296.
Enter Edward I "Longshanks", King of
England. History tells of his storming
into Scotland, without knocking, and taking
the coronation stone. He placed it in
Westminster Abbey that it might sit under
the thrones of English kings.
There it remained until 1996.
uncovered by MacThoy Researchers indicates
that the real Stone of Destiny never made it
On the return trip from kicking William
Wallace's butt and stealing the Stone of
Destiny, Longshanks' host made camp at the
edge of the village of
(ancestral home of the Clan MacThoi.)
The warriors were warmly welcomed by the
villagers there and feasting ensued.
The revels went late into the following
week, with the villagers continuing
the celebration after the exhausted
combatants had gone to bed.
The heavily guarded tent in Edward's
encampment aroused the curiosity of the
MacThoy. With the English tucked
safe away in bed, several of the Clan went
Within the tent they beheld one heavily
locked chest. Hoping for beer, money
or something of value, they smashed it open
and discovered a rock.
The Reader can imagine the stunned silence
of the Clansmen as they gaped down at the
large, marble slab in the chest. One
Clansman remarked, "well it is a pretty
It was at that moment that inspiration
flooded the soul of
Conan Flynn MacThoy, the Master of
up of a Rubbing taken of the Barley
He didn't know why Edward valued the stone
but the King of England had proved a good
sport and hosted a lavish party, Conan knew
what had to be done.
They stole it.
only did they steal it, they replaced it with a retired privy cover from
the MacThoy Keep. The MacThoy relocked the chest as best
they could and returned to their village.
Edward went on his merry way none the
wiser and with one of the fiercest
hangovers ever conceived. Thus did a
privy cover reside under the English
coronation throne from 1296 all the way to
1996 when it was "returned" to its
rightful place in Edinburgh Castle.
Back at Dunn
Burrow, fully expecting Edward to return in a fortnight looking
for his rock, they were quite surprised to hear of its
installation in Westminster. They were also stuck with a
rather large rock.
Folly, some of the Clan wanted it to be shaped into a millstone
that he might wear it about his neck. He was divested of his
title as Master of Revels and renamed Village Idiot by the Clan
Laird. Conan's career
as party master might have ended there but the
Widow Tamara Dea
MacThoy took to scheming. She volunteered to follow the
Laird's edict and haul the rock to the mason that it might be
shaped into the ordered millstone. Upon arriving
at the mason's shop, she instructed him to shape it into a large
stein with heavy lanyard. Thus she was able to keep with the
spirit of the Laird's edict and make the marble boulder serviceable.
Her only regret was that it could only hold 2
gallons of beverage.
he was presented with his millstone. "It's a bit
small," claimed Conan, "but it will do,
you mean 'Barley'?" replied Tamara
it is rather pretty, your 'Barley Stein.'"
Conan's scream of
delight or horror (This
pun is even worse in Gaelic--ed) was heard throughout the
village. Only his good drinking companion, Tamara Dea would
cheer him this way.
her-- lustily as all good MacThoy men should-- and praised the
stein by throwing a large celebration. It proved to be a
truly excellent gathering. In a state of euphoric intoxication, the
Laird reinstated Conan as Master of the Revels.
they noticed that the Guzzlewhompers
failed to appear in the presence of the Barley Stein. At
first it was attributed to Conan's great skill as the Revel
Master but others suspected something else was at play. MacThoy scholar,
Hell Louise Van
Gelt discovered the true history of the Barley Stein and its
role in Biblical history. It is
suspected its hallowed properties ward off evil to this day. Due to these
wonderful attributes, the Barley Stein was to become part of the
Clan's Holy Days and serve a large role
in the Beltaine Celebration.
As for the
current location of the Barley Stein, well every MacThoy knows
were it is. And for a few beers one just might tell you.