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The MacThoy & Brigham Young
Was
it not Great Great Grand Pa Chucker just
back with his Sherpa from a lovely adventure
in Jamaica, whom on a Southerly raid for
financial fun and games found a fellow that
claimed to be working for the church. They
were on the bank of a river drinking, when
it donned on our good Chucker that this
fellow and had been bitten by the
guzzlewhomper for every time The Chucker
passed the bottle to him this ingrate would
would finish the bottle off and slur MORE!
MORE! and after repeated rounds Sir Chucker
insisted that Mr.Young:
"Share your wealth!"
Mr.
Young, presuming he was in the presence of a
great Healing Profit (because of the many
dried herbs and spices tucked into The Great Chuckers boots for aroma therapy and the
medicinal bottles that hung around the neck
of this barrel-chested man), replied,
"Repair your Health?"
An
amused Chucker said "so what's your name mon?"
"More!" he replied "More!"
Our
reveler and hero, annoyed by this man,
referred to him there after as More-Mohn .
Once
again the The old Chucker said, "Well Share
your wealth then you More-Mon."
And
the ingrate did reply, "You'll repair my
health and I'm Mormon?"
Now
fairly irritated, The Mighty Chucker looked
at his booze Sherpa and then threatened
Young, "We'll Fuck all yer women, More-Mon!"
Having heard from friend named Joe, that sex
relieves head pain and revives one's
youthful appearance, Young considered the
advice he believed the Wise old Herbalist
was giving.
The
fact that strange voices, in his head, had
became fairly intense of late and that Joe
had spoken of the problem as well, only
served to intensify his determination.
The
Elder Chucker saw that Young had a panicked
look on his face, however, there was also a
strange smile and a slight twinkling in his
eyes. Young grabbed Great Great Grand Pa Pa
and emphatically agreed. "Yes,
Yes, IF you repair my health, well I'll
fuck all my women and be Mormon! I'll do it
I'll fuck all every single one of them and I
won't stop until I'm cured!"
As
the vapors lifted from the last swig of some
unidentified healing tonic, (probably rum
from the earlier adventures) Chucker
realized WHAT this crazy fool was doing to
his family.
He
staggered backwards appalled, and fell into
the fire pit, he scrambled out quite
quickly, his pockets a fire, and raced for
the elixir of life that might repair this
horrendous thought or at least fade it from
memory.
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At
the sight of Chucker racing at him with his
pants on fire, the poor Sherpa dropped the
booze which in turn caught fire with an
exploding sound and a huge fireball that
blinded them all.
Great
Great Grand Pa Pa only could say one thing
and parts of this very statement have been
passed on from generation to generation.
"Ah, fer fuck's sake, Aye said Share your
wealth or we'll fuck all yer women! That
More-man is dumb."
He
fled this horrible site not even returning
for the coin that had fallen from his
burning trousers and only referred to any
place near southern Idaho as "The Bank
Church Wilderness and the River of No Return."
Young, not knowing, that this wasn't the
word of God, refers to his Mormondom often
and after counting all the money that "God"
left found that it appeared to be at least
ten percent of his income for the year and
proclaimed it as the tithing to the church.
"And
this shall be the beginning of the tithing
of my people. And after that, those who have
been thus tithed shall pay one-tenth of all
their interest annually; and this shall be a
standing law unto them forever, for my holy
priesthood, saith the Lord." D&C 119:3-4.
Joseph Smith - "I have more to boast about
than ever any man had. I am the only man
that has ever been able to keep a whole
church together since the days of Adam.
A large majority of the whole have stood by
me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, nor Jesus
ever did it. I boast that no man
ever did such a work as I. The followers of
Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day
Saints never ran away from me yet. You know
my daily walk and conversation." History of
the Church, vol. 6, p. 408-409 (1844)
Brigham Young - "Gold and silver grow, and
so does every other kind of metal, the same
as the hair upon my had, or the wheat in the
field; they do not grow as fast, but they
are all the time composing or decomposing
..." Journal of Discourses, vol. 1, p. 219
(1852)
*
Oliver B. Huntington - As far back as 1837
Joseph Smith said the moon was inhabited.
"He described the men as averaging near six
feet in height, and dressing quite uniformly
in something near the Quaker style. In my
patriarchal blessing, given by the father of
Joseph the Prophet, in Kirtland, 1837, I was
told that I should preach the gospel before
I was 21 years of age; that I should preach
the gospel to the inhabitants upon the
islands of the sea, and -- to the
inhabitants of the moon, even the planet you
can now behold with your eyes. The first two
promises have been fulfilled, and the latter
may be verified." Young Woman's Journal,
vol. 3, p. 263-264 (1892)
Brigham Young - Sun and moon both inhabited,
and the earth will become like the sun with
it is "celestialized." Journal of
Discourses, vol. 13, p. 271 (1870)
--details
convulsed Delphic-style by the
Siren
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