Ball Of
Ballymure
or the
Gathering Of The Clan
Melody--as for "The Ball of
Kerrymuir"
Oh sing you the song of the Ball of Ballymure
Where his wife, and your wife, were doin' it on the floor!
Chorus:
Balls to your partner, arse
against the wall,
if you can not (can'na) get shagged on Saturday night, you'll never
get shagged at all.
They were doing it in the parlor,
doing it on the
stones
And you couldn’t hear the music for the wheezing and the groans!
Chorus
First they tried it plain and simple,
then they tried
it hes and shes
But when the Ball got going They were at it 5s and 3s
Chorus
Ah Pook was chasing
choir boys through the fields of
oats.
Dirty Doris chased
women, while Gryph was chasing goats
Chorus
Oh the Deacon’s Wife, she was there, her butt
against the wall
Put yer money on the table, boys. I’m gonna do ya all.
Chorus
The Queen was in the
parlour, eatin bread and honey
The King was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!
Chorus
The village butcher he was there, the cleaver in his
hand,
and every time he turned around he circumcised a man.
Chorus
Ah-Pook, he was there, what do you think about
that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat.
Chorus
Merlin he was there, up to his usual tricks,
he pulled his foreskin over his head and disappeared up his prick.
Chorus
The village economist he was there, pecker in his
hand,
waiting for the moment when supply would meet demand.
Chorus
The village prostitute she was there, lying on the
floor,
Every time she spread her legs, the suction closed the door
Chorus
The fortune teller he was there, climbing up the
walls,
he wanted a fuck but was out of luck for he had crystal balls.
Chorus
Clan MacThoy, they were there, chasin' round
the Keep
And every single man of them buggerin' a sheep!
Chorus
The Laird Og, he was there, with his
favorite toys:
A dozen beautiful women, and a dozen beautiful boys!
Chorus
Groovella, she was there, covered all in
sweat,
Takin' on all comers, and she hasn't finished yet!
Chorus
The village Masochist, he was there, beggin' for
some blows
The Sadist merely looked at him, and softly answered "No!"
Chorus
There was doin's in the bedrooms, there was doin's
in the tub
'Till every single pecker there was worn down to a nub!
Chorus
(insert name) he was there, but he was fast
asleep
The ladies wouldna have him, and we'd run clean out of sheep!
Chorus
(insert name) (s)he was there, backed against the
wall,
(s)he didn't want the doin's, just a lot of alcohol!
Chorus
The village baker he was there, and looking pretty
mean;
A-shouting that the girls were tarts, and pumping them full of
cream!
Chorus
There were doin's in the parlor, there was doin's in
the grass
And all that you could see were waves of undulating ass!
Chorus
(insert name) he was there, a pervert all his
life;
He didna do the lassies . . . he only did his wife!
Chorus
And when the ball was over
everyone confessed,
they all enjoyed the dancing
But the shagging was the best of all.
Chorus
Balls to your partner, arse against the wall,
if you can not (can'na) get shagged on Saturday night, you'll never
get shagged at all.
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